Aging Contemplator Gifts

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

Professional woman in pub

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

Differing thoughts of male and female.

"Son when I'm gone, all this will be yours!"

'What I especially like about being a philosopher-scientist is that I don't have to get my hands dirty.'

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it — who cares?!"

30th Birthday - Doctors aren't like policemen.. they don't grow younger, they just age faster.

'You don't want to go to hell, J.B. In hell, the market is always down.'

'He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, who cares...'

Today is the first day of the rest of my life, Axel. Is that the good news or the bad news?

"Oh, to be a Mayfly."

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

"As a single diner, you will be seated at an awkward table by the restrooms where your lonely presence won't bother other diners."

If fifty is the new seventy, when is the new dead?

Alcohol 'Nector of the Gods' 'Devils Brew!'

'But Mabel, I distinctly remember that the vicar said 'till death us do part...''

"What a lot of people don't realize is that I actually enjoy an incredibly rich interior life."

We only go around once

"Yeah, you're right, these can cause long term health issues. But trust me, for you that's not gonna be a problem."

The miracle of death

"If I were a dog I'd only be nine years old."

"Well, no, I wouldn't expect it to speak to you."

Death is just a side-effect of living.

The Guy Who Mixed Up His To-Do List And His Bucket List

Is there anything worse than the aging process? The thing that comes after the aging process.

The Master Switch

"The glass is half full�"

"Could someone please explain to me why I'm celebrating the fact that I'm a year older?"

Really? A date with me is like a religious experience? How so? It reminds me of snake-handling.

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

"Race ya ..."

"My legacy? I've consistently avoided being labelled as 'compassionate' anything."