Age Contemplator Gifts

"If I were a dog I'd only be nine years old."

I don't know if I'm over the hill, but I definitely feel like I passed the point of no return.

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'Being a nobody isn't so bad...You don't have to worry about becoming a has-been.'

Professional woman in pub

"I let go of all my earthly attachments, but there's one I can't seem to shake."

'What I especially like about being a philosopher-scientist is that I don't have to get my hands dirty.'

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

'He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, who cares...'

'All the girls say the same thing. You're a sweet guy, but...'

Today is the first day of the rest of my life, Axel. Is that the good news or the bad news?

"Oh, to be a Mayfly."

If fifty is the new seventy, when is the new dead?

'I used to get ecstatic whenever I saw him. Now it's more like ecstatic cling.'

We only go around once

"What a lot of people don't realize is that I actually enjoy an incredibly rich interior life."

Alcohol 'Nector of the Gods' 'Devils Brew!'

Death is just a side-effect of living.

Is there anything worse than the aging process? The thing that comes after the aging process.

'Have you noticed how our days are getting shorter.'

The Master Switch

The Guy Who Mixed Up His To-Do List And His Bucket List

"The glass is half full�"

A system of appraisal gives staff an opportunity to discuss their work objectives...

'So I can sit here and watch these people live thier lives. . .or go through all the fuss of living one of my own.'

We've arrived! It's sooo quiet and peaceful! Where's Teddy going? Communing with nature. Peace is boring.

Really? A date with me is like a religious experience? How so? It reminds me of snake-handling.

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

'Let's use another form of birth control. I don't like the coil.'

Highway of Life

'The one thing you have got going for you is there's no family history of longevity.'

"Father, I would like to go to confession with you!"

'I decided Walter, I wanted to be more than just a 'golf widow'.'

"My parents wanted me to join the priesthood, but I didn't think I'd have the stomach for that much controversy."

'When I was a boy I never thought I would live to be this old. But now I'm not si sure.'