Digital Music Manipulator Gifts

'So now I just download through my wireless broadband onto my windows media player, convert the MP3 song in Itunes, connect via USB and record onto my compact cassette tape'

Mozart on a computer,

Cycling with a harp case

Gramophone dreams of mp3 player.

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

'Tell them there'll be no retaliation, then check with the chiefs of staff, the media and our major allies what leeway we have in the adapted dissuasion department.'

'Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream...'

"No, I'm still getting too much banjo."

Freestyling.

Old songs made new

"And now, Bach's Brandenburg Congerto Number One, first movement."

"This is where I keep my entire music collection."

"Whoa, too much information!"

"The drummer's got to go - he's too loopy."

Compact Disc: "01011100110001011011010001111...."

"A huge breakthrough from our research and development team. . . they've figure out a way to fool all of the people all of the time!"

Boss, the health inspector is here. Excellent. My hacker just finished restoring all the inspector's social media posts dating back to 1994. Tell him "It'd be a shame if someone's career were ruined by a 20-year-old video of him doing the Macarena in the buff." Don't wink too much. But not too little, either. Very bad man.

Wee Acid Hoose - Drugs and Scottish Reels

Person playing the cymbals.

'Management is upgrading all the hardware.'

Throw-Your-Voice Mail.

'These digital organs have a unique sound.'

"Now I'd like to introduce the rest of my band. Give it up for my laptop!"

What are the odds? I'm listening to Ennio Morricone right now, too!

House trained cat

'A spin doctor just isn't enough any more, Senator - you need a choreographer.'

'He's been trying to control the television for years.'

My Dog Scratch

Ask Sadie. My wife and I are getting a puppy soon. Any training tips? - Jay and Emily, Charlotte, NC. Sent from my iPad. Oh yes. A tip: Have him poop on your @#$% iPad, you high-tech boobs! Irrelevant and gratuitous. Sent from my lungs. You need the toothbrush app.

Playing the Puppet Strings

Sally, Jim - you'll handle daily speech writing. Vince, as usual, will be in charge of attack ads.'

Spin doctor arriving at an emergency.

Mozart writing the digital version of his Symphony No. 38 in D major.