Digital Manipulation Gifts

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

Text Culture

If Disney was a software company

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

"Now the geeks hold all the power. They're the ones who know how to forge a parent's e-signature."

"You don't need a duck call. I can just download this Find-a-Fowl app."

"I think that was one upgrade to many for Chris!"

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

'Tell them there'll be no retaliation, then check with the chiefs of staff, the media and our major allies what leeway we have in the adapted dissuasion department.'

'I don't care if he is the most interesting man in the world, his tweets about what he had for breakfast are still boring.'

Go on! Pick a card.

"It seems our precious three year old hacked into the White House with his playtime computer!"

'My nephew Richie can download all your work from the internet for free. You are all fired.'

"My dad said I couldn't scare him, so I'm hiding all his data like it was erased. Get ready for a loud scream."

"Who allowed Andy Serkis to Mo-Cap Beverly?"

"Sorry, I don't really believe in being social offline."

'This app that recommends what I read next works, but it's insulting. It referred me to a gas station restroom wall.'

'I took the liberty of digitally enhancing my resume to make a mountain out of a mole hill.'

'Wow, Ed! You look so much younger! Cosmetic surgery?' 'No. Digital enhancement!'

computer trick with teapot and cup

"That's your granddad - amazing what they can do with filters these days."

Boss, the health inspector is here. Excellent. My hacker just finished restoring all the inspector's social media posts dating back to 1994. Tell him "It'd be a shame if someone's career were ruined by a 20-year-old video of him doing the Macarena in the buff." Don't wink too much. But not too little, either. Very bad man.

"I should have know he was a control freak when he seduced me in his signal box."

"A huge breakthrough from our research and development team. . . they've figure out a way to fool all of the people all of the time!"

Baby Mobile

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

"We've had millions of visitors to our website, but there's no way of telling how many of them actually believe in us!"

Body weight app on mobile

I'm "Oog," this is "Wonk" and the guy drawing on the wall behind you in "Blog."

'I steal from the rich databases and give to the poor databases.'

'A spin doctor just isn't enough any more, Senator - you need a choreographer.'

"An example of my game cheat skills is that I hacked into your computer and invited myself to this games tester interview."

Clown receives 'hee hee mail'.

'He's been trying to control the television for years.'

"No, I'm not going to work. I sent my computer to work for me. The screen has a photo of my face, so people will think it's me."