Digestive Woes Sympathizer Gifts

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"Please don't kill me."

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

"Harold, it's good you listen to your body, but must I listen to it too?"

"They don't look familiar...probably from another fecal transplant."

Prune Eating Contest: Last Man Standing.

'What colour is a hiccup?'

"That's why you need to chew your food!" (cow deposited a hay bale).

"There's 20 billion of us crammed into our capsule world, who's for burrowing south to freedom?"

"Sir, do you have any idea how slow you were going?"

'Was that you?'

Friendly bacteria of the human gut.

'Why is it that laxatives always look like crap going in?'

Who needs Facebook friends when you've got billions of friendly gut bacteria?

"He's very proud of his stomach's 'good bacteria'."

"The yoghurt, does it contain bifidobacteriumi and lactobacillus bulgaricus?"

Unfortunately what happens in the cow's digestional tract doesn't stay in the cow's digestional tract!

Before consuming as directed, Millennial Alice needed assurance that they would not disturb her gut health.

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

'I think I may need a stool softener. . .'

'He'll eat green vegetables... but only with chocolate syrup on them.'

'You wouldn't get these stomach aches if you chewed your food properly.'

'I have a friend who says his business has never been better. . . but then, he's a gastroenterologist!'

'If I knew what those trillions of bacteria wanted, I'd give it to them.'

"It may be just a simple tomato bisque, but just wait for the roaring and turbulent excitement in your bowels an hour from now."

Antacid rain

"Bad! He recommends both bran and prune juice!!"

"This asks if I have "excessive gas". What constitutes "excessive?"

Burp! Tap. Reflux, where reflex should be.

Brian strongly believes in free movement

'No buns of steel, but he does have a cast iron gut!'

'I'm not sure what's in that trough, but it's making my first and third stomach turn.'

Aisle 2: Stuff to help you crap.