Digestive Woes Sympathizer T-Shirts

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

"Please don't kill me."

"Harold, it's good you listen to your body, but must I listen to it too?"

Prune Eating Contest: Last Man Standing.

"They don't look familiar...probably from another fecal transplant."

'What colour is a hiccup?'

"That's why you need to chew your food!" (cow deposited a hay bale).

"There's 20 billion of us crammed into our capsule world, who's for burrowing south to freedom?"

"Sir, do you have any idea how slow you were going?"

'Was that you?'

'Why is it that laxatives always look like crap going in?'

Friendly bacteria of the human gut.

"He's very proud of his stomach's 'good bacteria'."

Who needs Facebook friends when you've got billions of friendly gut bacteria?

"The yoghurt, does it contain bifidobacteriumi and lactobacillus bulgaricus?"

Unfortunately what happens in the cow's digestional tract doesn't stay in the cow's digestional tract!

'He'll eat green vegetables... but only with chocolate syrup on them.'

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

Before consuming as directed, Millennial Alice needed assurance that they would not disturb her gut health.

'I think I may need a stool softener. . .'

'You wouldn't get these stomach aches if you chewed your food properly.'

'I have a friend who says his business has never been better. . . but then, he's a gastroenterologist!'

'If I knew what those trillions of bacteria wanted, I'd give it to them.'

Antacid rain

"It may be just a simple tomato bisque, but just wait for the roaring and turbulent excitement in your bowels an hour from now."

"Bad! He recommends both bran and prune juice!!"

"This asks if I have "excessive gas". What constitutes "excessive?"

Brian strongly believes in free movement

'No buns of steel, but he does have a cast iron gut!'

"David doesn't like manna."

Sandwich Anxiety.

Aisle 2: Stuff to help you crap.