Digestive Enthusiast T-Shirts

Why do I chew every bite of food exactly 66 times? I have two reasons. One is that it improves my digestion. The other is that Satan told me to.

Come dine with me!

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Life is for the birds.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

Try to guess the continent dining...

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

Party time.

'Who gets the decaf?'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"We've misjudged the tapas again."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

You're the sizzle in my roast!

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."