Difficult Pregnancy Gifts

"My wife's going through a difficult pregnancy."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

Pool attached to child's bed.

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

An expecting Flower wearing a 'Baby here, arrow t-shirt' saying BUD

"Use your inside scream."

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

The Elephant in the Womb

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

"I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's undead."

'I trust this is a non-smoking uterus!'

Baby name suggestions.