Dieting With Laughs Gifts

"This is my shame spiral pepper spray."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

Weight Gain Denial

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

Before and After Holiday Diet

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

'It's a middle-age spread spread.'

"Really, yes, I'm on a diet too: I need to almost double my summer weight before the start of the winter hibernation..."

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"Is it working?"

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

'I'm hoping for a heat wave - I could afford to lose a few pounds.'

Squirrels eating different types of nuts.

Overweight Man With Skipping Rope - To Be Taken 3 Times A Day.

'Live there? I might as well wear it on my hips!'

Hello, sir, we're the post-Halloween, leftover candy, concerned citizens patrol.

'Step One...a pie chart is not dessert.'

'Diet Plan Rule number one: Stop using ice cream truck music as your ringtone.'

I've been trying to cut back on my salt intake. I'd also like to do that, but unfortunately, my main source of salt comes from tears streaming into my mouth.

'Does it come in soy lite?'

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

'I'm on a strict diet... so no pie charts.'

My budgie likes Mars bars.

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

"Will I be searched for chocolate when I board?"

'Great. Looks like I'll be packing on more weight.'

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'

"Imagine bread is a lot like the sun...It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist."