Dietary Quirk Pillows

'I'm a finicky vegetarian. I don't eat eggs unless they're poached. I don't eat meat, unless it is properly marinated. I don't eat fish unless it's breaded and fried.'

Vegetarian Birds

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

"The feeding of the fad thousand"

Live yogurt.

'With the added weight on their chests, donors can give a pint of blood at a time.'

"I'm on the 'half and half' diet. I eat half and my dog eats the other half."

'...and it has much less cholesterol than beef.'

"No thanks, mom. I'm on a vegetable free diet."

"Odd - you have bad cholesterol, good cholesterol, and some cholesterol that wonders why everyone can't just get along."

Waiter: 'Your Chicken wings Ma'am.'

Snacking on yourself causes NO net weight gain!!!

"I said, I'm on a garlic diet. So far, I've lost 5 pounds and 12 friends."

'You have to chew your food: All this feeding-frenzy business is bad for your digestive system...'

"Wait! Is it gluten-free?"

Patient to pharmacist: 'So, is it contagious?'

'well, then, I guess you're also lactose substitute intolerant.'

"It's glutton-free."

"Do you have such a thing as low calorie caramel coffee creams?"

For Your Dining Pleasure

"I don't like sweetcorn".

"My parents are really upset. I'm dating a guy who's not microwave and dishwasher safe."

'Finally have an expense account and I'm always on a diet.'

Fridge with sign - 'Contents may not be suitable for those with weight problems'.

'I read that you should only have a portion of meat about the size of your palm!'

'I'm on three different diets. That way I get to eat more.'

'But Darling, how can it possibly be bad for me? I only smoke a couple a day...'