Quirky Diet Enthusiasts Pillows

"It's my new weight loss method."

Vegetarian Birds

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

"When Harold first said he identified as a balloon animal I thought it was just a phase, but here we are fifteen years later and it seems to be working."

Tzatzikicicle

De ja vu soup - 'It was yesterday's 'soup of the day'.'

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

If the fruit isn't genetically modified, explain the fruit fly.

What can I get you? Coffee? Tea? Sandwich? The mackerel mocha sounds lovely. What's in it? The usual. Chocolate. Soy milk. Mackerel. Yes, but is the mackerel farm-raised or from the sea? Ocean. Atlantic? Pacific? Indian? Arctic? Antarctic? I'm not sure. Oh. Ok ... well what's the mackerel's mercury content? Negligible, I'm sure. Ok. Was it exposed to any chlorine? Or copper sulphate? Or malathion? Was it treated with kindness? Was it read stories and sung to before bedtime? Yes. Never mind, it s

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

"Your husband's laryngitis will probably last another wee but your blood pressure is nothing short of miraculous."

Waiter to diner: 'I'm going to return you to the main menu.'

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

"Parrot Fish? Well THAT is going to repeat on me later..."

'Slow and hurl.'

Beach Burger - without sand 75 cents extra.

Fruits and vegetables

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

It's not a tongue depressor, it's a used popsicle stick. If you can name the flavor, your taste buds pass the test.

"We're very strict. No soy milk, no veggie burgers, no margarine... nothing that even looks like an animal product."

'With the added weight on their chests, donors can give a pint of blood at a time.'

Roadkill Cafe...specials every day.

'What do you fancy? A Zargoid Fliptonian, or a Martian?'

"There's a fly in my soup."

Waiter: 'Your Chicken wings Ma'am.'

"Odd - you have bad cholesterol, good cholesterol, and some cholesterol that wonders why everyone can't just get along."

Snacking on yourself causes NO net weight gain!!!

"I'm on the 'half and half' diet. I eat half and my dog eats the other half."

"My veganism begins and ends with eating insects."

Mouse, caught in trap after attempting to get cheese, says: 'That's it ??" I'm quitting dairy.'

Parisian Bohemians - Proprietor of a rabbit restaurant catching stray cats

'Low fat, high fiber. We'll come back tonight for the rest of them.'