Quirky Health Enthusiasts Pillows

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

"I haven't touched my face in three weeks. I miss it."

Yoga for Alcoholics

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"I have to get down to 125 pounds before I go back to my real gym."

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

'GM apples prevent Migraine'

"He looks so much like his dad."

"Thanks to modern medicine, we now have drugs to make any season the season to be jolly."

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'If only you could do this with a cow once in a week, we'd save a lot of money for the food delivery service, Rupert!'

'I'm not sure how to break this to you all... the Atkins diet is back.'

'How could I have missed these? I took a multivitamin.'

Man with money in hand reads instructions on 'Check prostate' vending machine

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

'Like it? It's my digital vest, it calculates calories, portions and price per pound!'

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

'I guess I don't need to ask how your new hip is working out.'

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

"Your husband's laryngitis will probably last another wee but your blood pressure is nothing short of miraculous."

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

"GP or chemist? To be on the safe side let's go to A and E."

Stay away from Pigs.

Eskimo to one with huge whale: 'You're sure it's all good cholesterol?'

"So if I need to stop smoking and lose weight..what are you going to do about it?"

'Medical researcher have isolated the gene that makes us want to discuss our ailments with anyone we meet.'

"You should have purchased the extended warranty."

Anti-natal clinic - If you don't want to be pregnant.

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

"Sorry about the long wait, but good news. Other than long waits in waiting rooms, I can't find any other causes for your irritability."