Diet Optimist Pillows

I've been put on a diet! Be my accountant!

"I thought you could use a little help sticking to your diet, sweetheart!"

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

All Natural Nothing

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

Dieting Motivation.

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

'You are being haunted by the spirit of a slimmer, trimmer, you.'

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

"I can't remember if I'm off red meat, or eating nothing but red meat."

"I do diet...between snacks."

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

Overloaded on Junk Food.

Doctor to pig: 'You've been pigging out on pan pizzas, eh? I'm taking you off square meals.'

'You know that thin person inside you, struggling to get out? -- He seems to have gained weight, too.'

'I'm sick of fast food. I mean, look at the legs on that thing.'

Diet Cud

"I programmed the refrigerator to hide from you in between meals."

"Buy them - and never look back."

Diet Sugar House.

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

'I had the same thing for lunch.'