Diet Optimist Pillows

I've been put on a diet! Be my accountant!

"I thought you could use a little help sticking to your diet, sweetheart!"

All Natural Nothing

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

Dieting Motivation.

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

'You are being haunted by the spirit of a slimmer, trimmer, you.'

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

"I can't remember if I'm off red meat, or eating nothing but red meat."

"I do diet...between snacks."

"Buy them - and never look back."

"I programmed the refrigerator to hide from you in between meals."

Doctor to pig: 'You've been pigging out on pan pizzas, eh? I'm taking you off square meals.'

Diet Cud

Diet Sugar House.

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

'I'm sick of fast food. I mean, look at the legs on that thing.'

'You know that thin person inside you, struggling to get out? -- He seems to have gained weight, too.'

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'