Diet Plan Enthusiast Pillows

'The funny part about a hot dog growing out of my head is my health care won't cover it, of course, but my Weight Watchers meal plan does.'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

All Natural Nothing

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

Fat man on scales.

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'I can't see my nuts anymore.'

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

'This high fiber diet is great! I've lost 10 pounds since I started eating my stuffing.'

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

"My holy grail is low-fat, low-cal, high-taste."

I don't know about you, but I'm getting tired of fast food.'

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

"I would kill for your metabolism."

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'

Odd Spas