Diet Journey Participant Gifts

'And I guess we better make it a diet cola'

"I envy you, but my dietary requirements make it difficult for me to travel..."

Overeaters anonymous meeting today at 5:00.

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

Odd Spas

"My diet book is outselling yours."

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

'Wouldn't it be easier if we just got more heavier friends?'

"Mom says I should eat differnt colored foods. I'll have a pizza with jelly beans."

'I'm on a diet -- I just eat the brains.'

The Catkins Diet

'I'm sick of fast food. I mean, look at the legs on that thing.'

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

"Well. It DOES make you look thinner."

"I can fit you into a small cubicle on the third floor if you think you can lose twenty pounds."

The cake diet.

"I was just... uh... looking for the low-fat yogurt."

The proud husband who's wife just lost thirty-five pounds: 'This is my wife Sandra, Greatly reduced.'

'Why did you switch doctors?', 'The last one was too skinny.'

That's not quite what I meant by a 'balanced diet'..

"My doctor suggested I get less fat in my diet."

I find that I can cut back on calories if I use only one chopstick.

'It's time for drastic measures - I'm taking you off food and putting you on chew toys.'

Healthy Eating Fast

'As a measure of last resort we could divide you into two people.'

'I joined Blubber Watchers.'

Doctor's recommend a well balanced diet...

'If you haven't got a low fat, organic, calorie free, ethically produced, free range option... I'll have the double chocolate cheesecake.'

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

"Dieting galls my bladder!"

"To reinforce my diet, the mirror goes on the fridge."

"Are you on another one of those crazy crash diets?"

Take It All Off Weight Loss Center

'You'll have to forgive my wife.. this is the longest she's ever been on a diet.'