Embarking On A Diet Journey Gifts

"To reinforce my diet, the mirror goes on the fridge."

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

See, eating healthy isn't so bad...."

Garlic Free Zone.

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

'Yes I do notice an improvement. Your chins don't juggle anymore.'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

'I've found the blockage it looks like your gastric band!'

'I knew it was time to do something when I leapt from the stage to do some body surfing and the crowd parted.'

"How come portion control doesn't apply to broccoli?"

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

Attack of the 'health' foods

"Ack! This stuff's hard to eat!"

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

'This scale is gaining weight!'

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

Woman on running machine next to a cake.

"I diet religiously. I eat what I want and pray I don't gain weight."

A tailor measuring a large man

Hip Hop Physician: 'Put a halt on salt and cut back on fat. Are you down with that?'