Diet Delver Pillows

Woman is shocked at seeing her weight, she doesn't realise that her dog is also on the scales.

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Any time is cake o'clock

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'Ahh...now there's a man who understands women.'

Dieting Motivation.

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

'A xebec and fluyt passed a heptad of shilpit grugrus.'

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

'He's on a high carbohydrate diet,'

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

"I think the problem is that you're not eating properly..."

'You are being haunted by the spirit of a slimmer, trimmer, you.'

Obesity Report

"I'm right off my quinoa doc."

'When does the fridge go on a diet?'

Farmer planting the next crop of PC's.