Diet Contradiction Fan Gifts

"I'll have the healthy meal, supersized, with a hot fudge sundae and a diet cola."

"I'd kill for a fresh fruit fritter."

'I've found a way to improve on light beer!'

'I am on a diet! It's called the Wall Street diet. I invested in British Airways, and the first day I lost 500 pounds.'

'Here it is - the world's largest miniaturization plant.'

Gym/Tan/Donut

'Chef's salad as ordered.'

"Lookin' good, Frosty!"

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

Scuba Skater

Advent fridge

"...and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day."

"I call it the 'Fasting diet'. Also known as the 'Where's all the food gone?!!' diet."

'He's on the cyclops diet. He's always got one eye on the fridge.'

"You may hear a few wise cracks."

'I'm on this 3 month diet...it only lasts a week, but it feels like 3 months.'

'Let there be lite...er, wait. Let me try that again.'

In the beginning man was a vegetarian, but one day he discovered meat as a food group.

'I lost twelve pounds.'

'I just love fad diets, I'm on three of them right now.'

'This thing is stupid - I weigh just the same with my coat and boots OFF!'

'Trans fat will do that.'

'I collect exercise videos...Every evening I have cheesecake and hot chocolate while I watch them.'

You're overweight...about three kegs of beer overweight!

'I'm really sorry about this, but I'm trying to watch my cholesterol.'

'Ow! I tore something in my elbow, when I pulled out the cork. I thought red wine was supposed to be good for you.'

"I'm wearing one....under the woolen pullover!"

"Do you have diet?"

"By 'take more exercise' I didn't mean 'walking to the takeaway'!"

Cyclists with a pollution guard on having a cigarette