Diet Competitior Gifts

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

Come dine with me!

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

A convenient attack of swine flu...

'You put him on a diet, so he put you on a diet.'

Food manufacturing industry in a soup.

'Nice barbecue, Normy!!'

What if they held a chili cookoff, & nobody came!

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

'As if school lunches weren't bad enough. Now, they have to be nutritious!'

"I know by outward standard I'm successful, but a voice inside my head keeps saying, 'Where's your private plane?"

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

I don't know about you, but I'm getting tired of fast food.'

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

"Will you stop comparing me to your mum!"

Prune Eating Contest: Last Man Standing.

'Look at it this way. The Dow gained 20% or more in the last three years. That's good. You gained 20 pounds or more in the last three years. That's bad.'

Chef Contest. Ernie, it's not sporting to chant "batter, batter, batter" during a pancake cook-off.

"Touch that and you're a dead man."

Woman stands on scales, holds bunch of balloons.

'I am not saying you have to give up all sea food...just shrimp!'

I won! I finished my pizza first! Want to make it two out of three?

'The other foot also Mrs Zipsky!'

Best Pizza in Town, Best Pizza in the World and Best Pizza on the Block.

All you can eat buffet...speed limit: 750 calories per minute

"Sealed for your diets protection."

'It's the half-empty bag of cookies from the back of the pantry. Should I tell them you'll call back?'

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

Politely queuing for the last Focaccia.