Dictation Gifts

"Take a letter, any letter"

The MBA Draft

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

'I'm designing a robot that'll do my drafting homework for me,'

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"Well - I've either bought a pack of table napkins, or adopted a Siberian tiger cub..."

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

'You can't come in here with that.'

Turkey to human dictionary - 'Quiet!!! You don't realize what you're saying!'

'Your future looks charming.'

"You are going to have lots of puppies."

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

"You've called tech-support so often that it was decided that it's more practical if I just come and live with you."

Today's alpha-lesson is "Keep a journal." The average person lets life pass them by. The events of their lives fade into nothingness. An alpha knows that long after they're gone, their thoughts and experiences will be of great interest to historians. That's not an original thought. I read it in the papyrus Randus Maximus XIV left in a safe deposit box after he helped conquer Judea.

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

"Your mother says 'wear a bra'."

"Go ahead. Click on 'I Am Not A Robot.' I dare you."

The Internet - Now available in bookstores

"Dunhomin"

"Sure, you're a dictator, son, but Muriel's boy is an absolute dictator."

Turn around at the next junction, turn around now! Turn around immediately - you've forgotten your handbags!

Hog Futures

'We will conduct the background check. Our fortune, Madame Zula, will conduct a complimentary future check.'

"Tell us again — a little less graphic."

'Of course, the future isn't what it used to be.'

Fortune teller sees impending doom

'I got one of those new crystal ball smart watches.'

'Can you get me in touch with people that own me money?'

"You told me to make a desktop shortcut, so I did. Just take the shortcut I made through the mess."

Crystal Ball Plug

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

'Fortunes, Impressions, Hunches, Wild Guesses'

"I've made contact with your mother. She says she hates what you're wearing."