Dictator Gifts

'I'll let you in on a little secret, son: If you're really, REALLY careful, absolute power only corrupts a little bit.'

"This gives my confidence a real boost."

"I want to be feared as a tyrant, loved as a father, and revered as a god, but I also want them to think I'm funny."

Oliverachy - Short-lived political system where leaders were chosen by how many olives they could fit in their mouths.

"That is a good thing- I don't have to explain myself either,"

"Excellency, your medals are in the soup"

"Not exactly - He believes that the ends justify BEING mean."

A military leader lies dead with a pin in his back

"Dear diary: Pillage, conquer, scheme, poison — same old thing. Plus, my new robe makes me look fat!"

"Absolute power is switching off one's hearing aid."

'I want to be respected for other reasons than having nuclear weapons.'

'To his credit, he only oppresses the masses when there's nothing good on TV.'

'Drat - I don't have any more room to enhance my self-esteem.'

"Sure, you're a dictator, son, but Muriel's boy is an absolute dictator."

Relaxing after another hard day's genocide.

"Sorry, bud. You know the rules... Dibs is dibs."

'I have created the first interactive pile of paperwork.'

Records?

"We need a better piling system."

In and Out Trays

These colour charts are ridiculous... coal' black, 'midnight' black, 'licquorice black'.' - 'There's too much choice! All I want is plain old boring bl-' - 'Ooooooh... 'panther' black.' -

"Just remember, you could end up just like me. . . dead and hanging upside down at a gas station. . ."

"Take a letter, any letter"

'Hey, Pops...the peasants are out of food again and I wrecked my Mercedes... What do we do about it?'

"I want a large pepperoni, pronto! And don't be stingy with the cheese. No anchovies! If I find one anchovy, I'll have your head on a pole. . ."

Serious Crime Squad, Light-Hearted Crime Squad, Happy As Larry Crime Squad.

Just Married

Stalin's toothpaste: USSR

Old dictator Lukashenko

Ghaddafi by Psychiatrist

'And you? Any New Year revolutions?'

'Well in two years time, I might just not vote for you to be emperor again.'

'What have you got to say for yourself? Or would you rather hear about me?'

'Does anyone else have an opinion of their own?'

'No oil, no whales, no help.'