Diamond Detective Gifts

"I’ll give you my answer in ... just ... one ... minute."

'Did I mention it comes with a limited edition magnifying glass?'

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"I did the best dental health poster in the class. I just hope Mr. Tooth Decay doesn't hold a grudge."

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

* For latent content, see your psychiatrist.

'I think the new V. P. of Global Development is here.'

Computer Expert

Where was I?

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

Terry had a computer bug.

That's supposed to say garage sale!

“It's $195 million. Now, I know what you're thinking: 'OK, what's the catch?'”

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

Sale.

'And I want that end table for $40...' When bargain hunters crack.

"Looks like Brandon got caught with his hand in the password jar."

Roentgen tries to figure out what he's discovered.

"Careful! He knows computers."

"The Box is bigger, the contents smaller, increased the price and called it improved."

Clickbait

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

Have you tried turning it off and on again?