Dream Detective Gifts

It's always the same dream. I'm in therapy, analyzing my recurring dream.

For latent content, see your psychiatrist.

'My theory is he's faking sleep in order to get the $50 for the study.'

He's mumbling again! What do you think husbands dream about?

'Dr Gottschauk, I just had this remarkable dream, and I was wondering if you could come right over and analyze it.'

I can understand my mother and my first-grade teacher being there, but there's also a TV announcer who does dog food commercials, and a second-string catcher for the detroit tigers.

'Sounds to me like you're not getting enough REM sleep.'

'The nightmare you had - it wasn't.'

* For latent content, see your psychiatrist.

"...and the first psychiatrist who can determine the patients's profession by analyzing her dream gets 100 points."

"Wake up, Jane! There's a giant talking squirrel at the end of your bed!"

Department of Dream Studies

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

Dog Nightmares

A boy acting suspiciously

'Okay - who leaked?'

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

Who stole my candy?

Clive couldn't work out who was stealing office equipment...

'God sees everything? You mean He channel surfs?'

Micro and Macro Department,

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

Don't forget to read the small print.

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

"I just audited our books. Your register came up five cents short, Rudy."

'Vice squad - you're busted.'

Devil in the detail

"First buttons, then zippers, now we learn to tie our shoes. Is mom trying to tell us something?"

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?'

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

Sigmund Freud.

When pedants take a break.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I ruin it for you by saying it was the butler who did it? Such a good book..."

'You're an inspector now?'

"Hey, Federson. Did you hear that someone around here has been stealing everybody's ideas?"