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An Englishman and a Scotsman.

Changing Minds

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Wordplay: In The Bag.

"It lost a little something in translation."

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

We Will Beat Any Genuine Quote...

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

Staff Yearbook

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

Fred interpreted the word compact as a verb, not as an adjective.

'Do it write the first time.'

Dyslexia is no longer a disorder...

Wordplay: Nonstarter.

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

'Thank god for the spellchecker!'

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"They're home...the party's over!"

Quentin Tarantino

"I was punctuating sentences long before you guys came along!"

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

Proof Reading

Kim Jong-un and Donald Trump compare penis size.

For Pete's sake, Shirley, stop acting so smug about "getting carded." We were in a library.

'Vote for me because my Super PAC raised lots more money than my opponent's Super PAC.'

"I'm not really into organized religion, though I am very spiritual."

"Do your thing, Phil...lull them into submission."

Latest Aye Phone

'I think I have aixelsyd.'

Spellng Bee

Scouse For Beginners

Oxford Lexicon of Excuses for Bad Grammar and Faulty Spelling.

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

'Yes, sure, certainly, you bet, of course, yeah, right, yep....'

'You understand, of course, that my memoirs must be written in ELITE type.'