Dictionary Aficionado T-Shirts

"Stop the presses - they've just redefined masculinity!"

"The definitions in this dictionary seem at odds with the words they're describing?"

Samuel Johnson

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Wordplay: In The Bag.

"It lost a little something in translation."

"Dad, can we have a bedtime narrative?"

"You can use the alphabet to text. You can use the alphabet to tweet. Why can't you use the alphabet to spell?"

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

'A is for Arse.'

'After we learn the alphabet, are we going to learn how to text?'

In an unprecedented occurrence, Noah Webster fails his vocabulary test.

Staff Yearbook

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"I found out why we study vocabulary. Last night, my mother told me to ruminate, and I spent three hours in my room."

We Will Beat Any Genuine Quote...

Frank and Ernie's Country Diner. Special Alphabet Soup. Come in and sit for a spell.

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

'Do it write the first time.'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

Dyslexia is no longer a disorder...

Final words on gravestones.

'Thank god for the spellchecker!'

Baptism Then and Now

"They're home...the party's over!"

"Why do people think using big words is a bad thing?"

"I was punctuating sentences long before you guys came along!"

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

Wildlife A-Z: 'Where the heck are zebras?'

Letterman Show: 'He's always been at my side...the one consonant in my life...'