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Thesaurus Publishing: Welcome, Greetings, Salutations

'The ladykin lived in a mickle biggin of cipolin.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

Wordplay: In The Bag.

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"It lost a little something in translation."

We Will Beat Any Genuine Quote...

"Wow, what a DILF."

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

Staff Yearbook

'Do it write the first time.'

Final words on gravestones.

Dyslexia is no longer a disorder...

'Thank god for the spellchecker!'

"Abbreviations here, abbreviations there, and one is more incomprehensible than the next!"

"Why do people think using big words is a bad thing?"

"They're home...the party's over!"

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

Baptism Then and Now

"I was punctuating sentences long before you guys came along!"

"How else will I know when I'm clean as a hound's tooth?"

Proof Reading

'I think I have aixelsyd.'

'Vote for me because my Super PAC raised lots more money than my opponent's Super PAC.'

Scouse For Beginners

For Pete's sake, Shirley, stop acting so smug about "getting carded." We were in a library.

"Do your thing, Phil...lull them into submission."

Spellng Bee

Oxford Lexicon of Excuses for Bad Grammar and Faulty Spelling.

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

'I'm afraid it's gingivitis.'