Diagnostician Gifts

'I've narrowed the diagnosis down to 16 possibilities.'

'I couldn't find anything wrong. You'll need to see a nook and cranny specialist.'

'Well my inner diagnostician thinks your inner diagnostician is completely off the wall.'

'I specialize in unpronounceable diseases.'

'I've conducted a meta analysis of the myriad of tests we've run and I think I can say with a certain level of certainty that you are probably screwed...'

'You said to remove his head and neck!...

'I do have one question - does anyone famous have my condition?'

Bedside Manna.

"I've conducted a meta analysis of the myriad of tests we've run and I think I can say with a certain level of certainty that you are probably screwed..."

"I'm afraid that you have gnumonia."

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

"He has a terrible peanut elegy."

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

Man reads note, which reads: Have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, I don't know where your dinner is.

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

Man tapping a tuning fork on another man's knee

Surprise Party

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

I don't know what it is, but it's a textbook case of something.

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

"I'd say it's a fungal infection."

'I diagnosed you with THAT? Whoa! You patients really need to be more involved with your healthcare!'

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

'You're free to get a second opinion, but it looks like something's wrong with that green thingie by your liver.'

'Your sugar level is off the chart. Don't worry. We'll whip you back into shape in no time.'

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

"Cancer patients are on the third floor. This is the psych ward. She wouldn't be here unless she was faking it."

'There's something wrong here. You have all these risk factors, and yet you're in excellent health.'

'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'