Diagnostic Imaging Professional Gifts

'It's carpal tunnel syndrome. You're going to have to quit your job working the bleep button for the Jerry Springer show.'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

'Yeah, the radiology job market is really hot right now - it's so hot I think I'm getting third degree burns! I gotta go!'

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

'I think you'll get a kick out of our 'haunted' MRI, Mrs. Hanratty.'

"I'm afraid that you have gnumonia."

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

"No wonder I'm getting feedback!"

"OK, now can we do a silly one?"

Bedside Manna.

'Well my inner diagnostician thinks your inner diagnostician is completely off the wall.'

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

'There's something wrong here. You have all these risk factors, and yet you're in excellent health.'

"It seems all doctors agree with you, but I'd still like to get a 15th opinion."

'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'

'I've conducted a meta analysis of the myriad of tests we've run and I think I can say with a certain level of certainty that you are probably screwed...'

X-ray of body shows skull.

'It came in just in time for Valentine's Day.'

Tunnel of Anxiety

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

"Just relax and hold still."

"I've tricked all my squirmy patients into staying still by telling them we're doing the mannequin challenge."

"Nurse! Call the doctor, I've found out what is wrong with me."

"I told Dad I want to be cytotechnologist when I grow up."

Doctors' Tour

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"

"It appears the pain is caused by your acupuncture treatments."

'I've narrowed the diagnosis down to 16 possibilities.'

Radiologists in therapy.

'That's our new Radiology Specialist!'