Devilishly Literate Gifts

"Sorry - we don't stock religious titles in case it offends some of our customers."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

Mephistopheles

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

Bat out of Hell

'Sorry professor, my mind was some other place.'

Librarian lifting a very heavy book for the body-building section

'Sir, we're just not reaching them. Only a small percentage of people own vinyl records, and hardly anyone thinks to play them backwards.'

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

'I've been married to your sister for 9 years, so why should I be scared of you?'

Skunk in library reads from the '10 Best Smellers'.

'This is why I had to pad my resume.'

Chip off the old Anti-Christ.

Summer in Hell

"But. . . Don't you want Santa to fill your stocking?"

'I'm a little worried about the dedication to His Satanic Majesty, Bishop.'

'To be honest, rock n'roll isn't my thing at all, I'm much more a country n'western kinda guy.'

'I've got to watch my health - I'm Type 2 diabolic!'

'This is an amicable split. Coach O'Neill has done a great job. We just have different ideas...'

Hell's Smoking Section

'Of course I forgot your birthday and our wedding anniversary! Hey, this is hell!'

'Intelligent! I'll say he's intelligent!'

'At last, an ethics committee that will listen to reason!'

"I hope you're not a lawyer or a politician. We're trying to diversify down here."

Law book with a devil's tail bookmark.

Universal's Sudoku.

The Devil playing a prank on a homeless person.

Prison Visit.

'Relax. They hired me for my people skills.'

Jeremy Westbrook. The neighbor from Hell.

'He bears keeping an eye on.'

'I don't care if the pot roast was a little dry,you had no business condemning poor Gloria to hell'