Devilish Wit Appreciator Gifts

'I'm a little worried about the dedication to His Satanic Majesty, Bishop.'

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

"And on the twelfth day the Lord just puttered around... Did I put that cloud there? Looks out of place. Did I do that? Oh, well..."

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"I don't think you have a case. It's only slander if it's not true, and I've heard you play."

'Huh, that Will Shakespeare, a man of few words.'

Pick your own fruit or worms.

"It was a gift from god."

"No one is denying that you're smart. For that to happen someone would have to say you're smart."

'I've been married to your sister for 9 years, so why should I be scared of you?'

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

'It's a good job I was trapped by my wooden leg and not my good one, son!'

'Wow! This style of writing went out back in the seventies!'

"But. . . Don't you want Santa to fill your stocking?"

'I've got to watch my health - I'm Type 2 diabolic!'

"I agree, Maria, it does seem like one big romantic TV Christmas movie. But, unfortunately, this is where I must kill you."

'Of course I forgot your birthday and our wedding anniversary! Hey, this is hell!'

'Narcissism Helpline. How can you be of assistance?'

"I hope you're not a lawyer or a politician. We're trying to diversify down here."

God Gives His First Press Conference

'Have your people Soo-Wee my people.'

Universal's Sudoku.

'Just because you happen to turn into a wolf during a full moon, dear, doesn't mean you have to act like one!'

'Make it threescore and ten, or we'll end up with a big Social Security crisis.'

"Say, 'Tissue? I hardly know you,' but don't tell her you're a roll of toilet paper."

Jeremy Westbrook. The neighbor from Hell.

"I thought bad-hair days would be a thing of the past."

'I don't care if the pot roast was a little dry,you had no business condemning poor Gloria to hell'

"Okay Eve, how many times do we have to go over this whole apple thing?"

'Of course there's no greed, bonuses and profit seeking down here! What did you expect? This is Bankers' Hell!'