Devilish Wit Appreciator Gifts

'I'm a little worried about the dedication to His Satanic Majesty, Bishop.'

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

"And on the twelfth day the Lord just puttered around... Did I put that cloud there? Looks out of place. Did I do that? Oh, well..."

"I don't think you have a case. It's only slander if it's not true, and I've heard you play."

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

'Huh, that Will Shakespeare, a man of few words.'

Pick your own fruit or worms.

"It was a gift from god."

"No one is denying that you're smart. For that to happen someone would have to say you're smart."

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

His first book was huge, but publishing is such a what-have-you-done-for-me-lately business.

'It's a good job I was trapped by my wooden leg and not my good one, son!'

'I've been married to your sister for 9 years, so why should I be scared of you?'

'Wow! This style of writing went out back in the seventies!'

"But. . . Don't you want Santa to fill your stocking?"

Whatever you do, don't ask him about his children… God's wallet.

"Oh God, beards are so passe."

'I've got to watch my health - I'm Type 2 diabolic!'

"At least take your hat off indoors!"

"I agree, Maria, it does seem like one big romantic TV Christmas movie. But, unfortunately, this is where I must kill you."

'Of course I forgot your birthday and our wedding anniversary! Hey, this is hell!'

'Narcissism Helpline. How can you be of assistance?'

"I hope you're not a lawyer or a politician. We're trying to diversify down here."

God Gives His First Press Conference

'Make it threescore and ten, or we'll end up with a big Social Security crisis.'

Universal's Sudoku.

'Have your people Soo-Wee my people.'

'Just because you happen to turn into a wolf during a full moon, dear, doesn't mean you have to act like one!'

"Okay Eve, how many times do we have to go over this whole apple thing?"

'I don't care if the pot roast was a little dry,you had no business condemning poor Gloria to hell'

"I thought bad-hair days would be a thing of the past."

Prison Visit.

Jeremy Westbrook. The neighbor from Hell.