Devilishly Good Friends Pillows

'We've got the neighbours from hell.'

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

'So much for dogs looking like their owners'

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

'Okey, suit yourself but I saw the library book move.'

Big man on Krampus

'Be careful. The plate is hot!'

"So much for eternal rest."

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

Swelling

'You're nuts! It isn't any hotter than usual so quit brining up global warming!'

'You do realize that's just a giant novelty fork, right? They used to have one in the restaurant where I worked.'

"I don't think I'm quite ready for Satan sings the blues!"

"Are you coming in, it's lovely and warm?"

Devil Stove

'Oh good! I hate long lines.'

"Amid all the chaos, I'm just grateful to have a job where I can work from home."

'No wonder it's so warm! Someone's been messing with the thermostat again!'

'At last, an ethics committee that will listen to reason!'

"Talk for all of eternity, just $29 a month."

Optimist in Hell.

"When I said, 'Keep the wine at room temperature'...I didn't mean here!!"

"Look. . . I know that you think I'm a idiot, but I'm not a complete idiot!"

101 uses of a dead cat: saw

"You wanted a 'useful idiot' so we gave you Trump. . . what's the problem?"

'Oh go ON - I love a bit of gossip.'

'Is it my fault they didn't send me to obedience school?'

"I can't eat anything spicy."

Some people don't know whent to quit.

"Shouldn't we be into soul music?"

"I should've never taught you to shake."

"We talk all the time."