Devilishly Funny Fans Pillows

'I hate Mondays.'

"She's possessed by the devil!"

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

'We found you in a cabbage!'

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

Tequila Mockingbird

"Maybe I'm aiming too high...maybe 'saving for a cool car' is too hard."

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

Going Down?

'Guess who's teething?'

"Any references?"

"Relax, he could just be looking for fun."

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

'You've made a breakthrough in FINANCIAL research?', 'Yep! - I split the ATM!'

'Henry, cut that out.'

Exit. I never get tired of watching them fall for that.

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

"What?!"

"When you said we were going to push the boat out tonight, I thought you meant we were going to a fancy restaurant!"

Beer Lunch

Hellbillies.

Under New Mismanagement

"Oh you kids and that cursed painting in the closet keep me young."

Bat out of Hell

Sure, snoring is a big issue at our house too: you've seen the size of my dad's nose...

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"I'm enjoying law school but I don't want to be known as the attorney from hell."

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

Sawrd Fighting

'Look, that peasant is eating something -- the economy's on the move again!'

Psycho-plankton.