Devilish Wit Admirer Pillows

"I hope you're not a lawyer or a politician. We're trying to diversify down here."

"Well, well, well, if it ain't 'Father Fondle'...."

"Any references?"

Going Down?

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

"I love this time of year."

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

Professor Ernie's history of philosophy. Rene Descartes had a difficult childhood. I think, therefore I am! I know you are, but what am I?!

"I'm enjoying law school but I don't want to be known as the attorney from hell."

" ... and this is my wife - I'm legally obligated to tell you that."

'Huh, that Will Shakespeare, a man of few words.'

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."

Publish and Be Damned

'Please feel free to take me out of context.'

G.K. Chesterton.

'I've been married to your sister for 9 years, so why should I be scared of you?'

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

"Cultural diversity is all very well, but our immigration officers don't have to put up with their bloody harp picking 24 hours a day!"

"What keeps me going? The tightening feeling in my chest that if I stop, I'll die."

'Mum said I take after your side of the family, Dad!'

'Okay, buddy, where's the fire?'

"You have to admire their ingenuity at least -- They're burying their apple cores."

'I was afraid of this -- the evolution protocols are just confusing them.'

"It's talk like a pirate day."

'I'm a little worried about the dedication to His Satanic Majesty, Bishop.'

Penny for your lack of thoughts.

"But. . . Don't you want Santa to fill your stocking?"

The day the Times never once mentioned Michael Ovitz

'... And the last thing I remember saying was, 'It oughta be a sin to look this good.''

"Gee, I just love the British dry sense of humor!"

'I've got to watch my health - I'm Type 2 diabolic!'

"You can try all you want, but being smooth is just something you're born with."

Soul Music

"This one is called 'Hell Toupee'