Department Store Explorer T-Shirts

"Main floor, aisle six, ladies' scarves. Shopper down."

"North face of Everest: howling winds, sub-zero cold, insufficient oxygen, menswear."

'Someone set a slinky going. Until it stops you'll have to use the stairs.'

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

Wolf trying on sheep's clothing at a retail store.

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

"How soon will this be a remnant

Sign in a bookshop window offers chance to meet the narrator of the audio book.

'The Lemming Book Store'

Supermarket - World Cup Specials

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

'Oddly enough you're the third person to buy that today!'

Sumo Love.

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

"I'm part of the problem and loving it!"

Unusual Offers

Author Reading Today: 'Typos I missed when correcting proofs.'

Apple section of supermarket - 'Granny Smith's'.

"It goes from the factory to us in $29,500."

Book store has a book called 'Mind Games,' which is floating magically in the air.

"Do you have anything else by the same author?"

"Baldo, Gracie...you need to learn more Spanish. For the rest of the week, I'm going to speak nothing but Spanish, and Tia Carmen will act as your interpreter, OK? Tienen tarea?"

New must reading for the rising executive: '7 Habits of Highly Obsequious People.'

Supermarket: Leafs, Rail Leafs

Telling Self to Buzz Off

"Ah! I see you've found a cold beer to your liking, sir."

Cannabis Dispensary: Walk-ins awkwardly trying to look nonchalant welcome!

Sign on a sale bin at a bookstore that reads "Latte-Damaged Books".

"Class, welcome back Sean ... who, you may recall, was lost for eight days in Home Depot."

Do-it-yourself. Do-it-yourself-with-good-friends-and-pizza-and-a-few-beers.

"No, we're not buying that cereal - do you know how much sugar it contains?! Not nearly enough!"