Deniers Of Aging Gifts

"I'm diagnosing a conflict of interest . . . your body knows how old you are, but your mind refuses to believe it."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Well you were warned about the dangers of sedentary lifestyle.'

"He said he's doing all he can to help me, but he can't make me any younger. But I have no interest in getting younger! I just don't want to keep getting older."

"My computer still won't work. It must still hold a grudge from when I punched it in frustration."

Say hello to Myrna Dinsdale. Myrna finally had one face-lift too many.

"If exercise is so good for you, how come athletes retire at 35?"

After decades of research, Prof. Lorenzen finally found a way to stop ageing.

Smart drugs. 'Gee, duh, I don't know. Does it look like we have any in stock?'

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Ostrich in an hourglass puts its head in the ground.

"Get off the lawn!"

'You look younger...are you colouring your hair?'

'The truth is there is no 'Youth Formula' worth millions. This is Mountain Dew.'

'Why can't you grow old gracefully?'

'The only thing that gets easier as you grow older is getting tired.'

Ack! 2010!! We're a whole tenth of the way through the "new" century! Hey! January. We've got a whole nine-tenths left to go. Easy for you to say! You aren't one-tenth of the way through the wrinkle cream Santa brought you.

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

When job hunting, your age will get in the way - but only if you place it centre stage.

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"I've been down here 50 years, but you'd never know it. Staying out of the sun has kept my skin fresh, firm and wrinkle-free."

"You can grow old gracefully. I'm fighting it every inch of the way!"

"You end up with the face you can afford."

"He spent his entire life trying to discover a way to stop aging. How ironic that he would only realize his dream now."

'Will 50 be enough, madam?'

'I'm not worried about ageism - I'm just keeping it real'

Botox injections

When prunes lose the plot: they advertise anti wrinkle cream.

"Then it struck me - nobody originally on the Paleo Diet lived past 35."