Deniers Of Aging Pillows

"I'm diagnosing a conflict of interest . . . your body knows how old you are, but your mind refuses to believe it."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"My computer still won't work. It must still hold a grudge from when I punched it in frustration."

'Well you were warned about the dangers of sedentary lifestyle.'

"He said he's doing all he can to help me, but he can't make me any younger. But I have no interest in getting younger! I just don't want to keep getting older."

Say hello to Myrna Dinsdale. Myrna finally had one face-lift too many.

"If exercise is so good for you, how come athletes retire at 35?"

After decades of research, Prof. Lorenzen finally found a way to stop ageing.

'You look younger...are you colouring your hair?'

Look younger in minutes - 100% Guaranteed!

Smart drugs. 'Gee, duh, I don't know. Does it look like we have any in stock?'

"Get off the lawn!"

Ostrich in an hourglass puts its head in the ground.

'The only thing that gets easier as you grow older is getting tired.'

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

Most common side effects...

'Why can't you grow old gracefully?'

When job hunting, your age will get in the way - but only if you place it centre stage.

Youth Cream, look younger in minutes.

"I've been down here 50 years, but you'd never know it. Staying out of the sun has kept my skin fresh, firm and wrinkle-free."

"You can grow old gracefully. I'm fighting it every inch of the way!"

"You end up with the face you can afford."

Life's toughest decision-when to start middle age.

'Will 50 be enough, madam?'

"Then it struck me - nobody originally on the Paleo Diet lived past 35."

When prunes lose the plot: they advertise anti wrinkle cream.

Botox injections

'I'm not worried about ageism - I'm just keeping it real'

"I hate my gym."