Anti-aging Enthusiasts Pillows

"We need a fresh young face on the board. Simpkins, get some Botox injected."

"I've been down here 50 years, but you'd never know it. Staying out of the sun has kept my skin fresh, firm and wrinkle-free."

'Will 50 be enough, madam?'

"Good news! You're in a great condition for a man of 60!"

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Ed's receding hairline!

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

'We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?'

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

"You'll see - when you get older, parts start to sag."

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

"That's Ms Pitt. She's been entrenched on high alert at the front desk for 42 years."