Anti-aging Enthusiast Pillows

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

Smart drugs. 'Gee, duh, I don't know. Does it look like we have any in stock?'

'Why can't you grow old gracefully?'

Father Time Robbing Martha of Her Youth

Botox injections

'Just where did you get this facelift?'

Look younger in minutes - 100% Guaranteed!

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Ed's receding hairline!

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

'We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?'

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"