Deli Lover's Laughter Gifts

Man at Delicatessen counter, "Scuse me, do you serve food?"

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

Baloneystini

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

"What fly?"

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

"I'm a retired doctor."

End of the day bargains at the cheese counter.

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

The Salvador Deli.

Carnegie Deli

Lovingly Handmade Sandwiches

The Deli Counter

"Everything bagel?"

"I got the bagel less everythinged, and that has made all the difference."

"The Blueberry Bagel, having triumphed on the East Coast, heads West."

Deli/Antiques: Got Shrimp? Got Gout?

Wild Irv Moskowitz, the meanest deli-man in the West.

"It says. . . 'That wasn't chicken.'"

"No, I didn't say the Euro was up, I said the gyro was up. The deli raised their prices fifty cents."

At The Skinny Customer Restaurant

'How about a drink?' 'You've got gravy.'

'I have to go on a diet. Evidently the best things in life aren't fat free!!'

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

"Expect a generous gratuity on table 9...I hacked his tip calculator."

'Order somethin' else, Mae, today's prospector ain't quite dead yet.'

'Are you sure you want the party sub? I mean are you sure? Are you buying it for someone else or something???'

The Deli Lama - Sandwich shop.

'Today is the day that 'Black Bean Couscous' kicks 'Classic Macaroni Salad' butt.'

The jungle grill!

"I bought a metric scale. I'll no longer be disappointed with my weight because I won't know what it means."