Deli Devotees Gifts

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

Baloneystini

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

'How would you like your toast?'

'...and one 'death by chocolate', Sir.'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"A votre sante!"

Emily's Slow Food Restaurant.

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

'Would you folks care for some fresh maple syrup on your pancakes?'

"Just a drop."

Sandwich snob.

"Take your time. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

'...And an extra packet of crackers! It's our Anniversary!'

You know, Lars, you really should ask the waiter for a whine list. If it weren't for the fact that I can see the spelling in your word balloon, that insult would have gone right over my head.

A train's dining car is a diner.

"I'm a retired doctor."

"Is everything ok with your Emile?"

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

"I have a strong personal commitment to dinner."

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'

"Our cook is working through a lot of stuff."