Deli Visits Gifts

Shopper-Gatherers Considering The Mammoth Special At A Pleistocene Deli

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

Baloneystini

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'You don't have to drive around. We bring the food to your table.'

"This time when they show us their latest acquisition, we'll gush regardless."

'Pass the grey stuff.'

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

The Deli Llama

'They ought to change the name of this deli to The Cramer - they get it wrong 50 of the time.'

"Is it fresh?"

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

"I'm a retired doctor."

Continental Breakfast...$2.99: 'What continent is THIS supposed to represent?'

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"What do you recommend today?"

"Great God Almighty! Somebody please wake me up and tell me I'm only dreaming that the chicken marsala costs a whopping twenty-eight ninety-five!"

I'll try the cod surprise.

"You folks ready to order?"

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

Cafe offers corn several ways.

'We're ready to order... ORDER!'

'Perhaps monsieur found the Vichyssoise 'crunchy' because the soup bowl was not edible.'

'God, man! What did I tell you? No direct eye contact, ever, with the sommelier!'