Degree Seekers Gifts

"Sorry, but you need at least a Masters to get into the Deep Woods."

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Make a lot of money."

Continuing education.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

Exam

'Another football scholarship offer?'

Man practising karate is tempted by a glass of beer.

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

Bribes for Jabs

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

'Congratulations, you graduated.'

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

Card Reader in PC Supplies Store.

Useless information desk at trivia buff convention

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

"And you need to know this why?"

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"I can't really tell you the future but I'll tell you what's trending on Twitter."

"Daddy, instead of the princess story tonight, can you explain how and why manifest destiny eliminated the American Indians?"

Day one, post grad

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

Grim Reapers sitting their 'Finals'.

Weapens of Mass Instruction

"There is a medical use for marijuana. I sold it to pay my tuition at medical school."

Pinara fund

'What makes you think you know so much?' - 'Your questions.'

Morton's pride was understandable. He was the first in the Pinhead Family to ever graduate.

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

It's college orientation time. The brain cell is attending an elite academic university, and the hormones and endorphins are going to party schools. The muscle cell earned an athletic scholarship. And it looks like the DNA molecule has already picked a major. The DNA has life planned out. It's chemically active down there. The individual atoms are excited, but also seem a bit sad. Of course! Going off to college is an emotional time for them. Old bonds are breaking and new ones are bein

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"