Academic Aspirants Gifts

"Finally! Summer is here! That means we're one year closer to college!"

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

"What's your project for the science fair, Arnold?"

"The teacher expects too much of me. She wants me to give it the old college try, and I'm only in grade school."

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

'So, what do you want to be when you grow up: rebel scum or loyal servant of the supreme android republic?'

'Why not take some time off after high school...travel a bit...get a job...make some money...pay your own way through college.'

'It's my application to Harvard...'

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

'My parents couldn't afford to send me to college, so they let me spend a night at a Ramada.'

"The extent of your extracurricular activities in high school, may very well be participation in regular program of oral hygiene using an effective decay preventaative tooth paste, but that won't get you into a good university."

"The counselor wasn't much help about getting into college. All he said was to study hard and get good grades."

Books: Self-Improvement Just keeping up with Joneses.

Gracie goes over to the college recruitment tent at a carnival.

A girl climbs a ladder of books

'...no you can't phone a friend!'

'We are looking for highly motivated, confident decisions makers for headships. Is your son such a man, Mrs Smikins?'

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

"You got 136? It says here you're genius if you get a 132."

How was your college tour? Good. Now I need straight A's and 375 extracurriculars to get in. You're exaggerating. Easy for you to say. You've got a 4.0. Yeah, but

"I've had those books for years. They represent the person I once aspired to be."

Unpublished Authors of the Big Bangs Theory

'Best way I know to decide who gets the research position.'

"Well, I think it's good that he wants to go to university."

"Would a beard make me look more academic?"

Monkey tries to read a book.

"Actually, I hope more people think being smart is annoying. I'll have less competition when I apply to college."

"Papi, I'm planning my future. How much money do you have in my college fund?"

Your "debate club" is just a shoutfest. I'm outta here! Pleease? We really need you. Why? You've got lots of members. But you have a, umm, distinctive voice. That's nice, but

"This says freshmen college enrollment is reaching record levels!"