Aspiring Students Gifts

"The extent of your extracurricular activities in high school, may very well be participation in regular program of oral hygiene using an effective decay preventaative tooth paste, but that won't get you into a good university."

What else is there to wish for?

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

"What's your project for the science fair, Arnold?"

"The teacher expects too much of me. She wants me to give it the old college try, and I'm only in grade school."

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

'Stop purring I can't hear your heart beat.'

'Why not take some time off after high school...travel a bit...get a job...make some money...pay your own way through college.'

'It's my application to Harvard...'

A push in the right direction: 50c.

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

Psychology Dept. Faculty Evaluations Today. I can't tell if it's my id or my ego, but I'm really craving a promotion.

"The counselor wasn't much help about getting into college. All he said was to study hard and get good grades."

'My parents couldn't afford to send me to college, so they let me spend a night at a Ramada.'

A girl climbs a ladder of books

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"Finally! Summer is here! That means we're one year closer to college!"

'How do you expect me to fine tune my act if you keep taking me to the principal's office?

"Let's face it Simkins, the only way you'll ever get to medical school is by donating your body to science."

'It's okay that you missed the bullseye. What's important is that you always aimed high.'

"You got 136? It says here you're genius if you get a 132."

"He quit his job to pursue his dreams."

"You know, we're not getting any younger...I mean, pretty soon, we'll both be 16."

How was your college tour? Good. Now I need straight A's and 375 extracurriculars to get in. You're exaggerating. Easy for you to say. You've got a 4.0. Yeah, but

"Baldo, have you given any thought to your future?"

"My mom has to take a drug test for her new job tomorrow. Can she borrow a book to study for it?"

Unpublished Authors of the Big Bangs Theory

"Well, I think it's good that he wants to go to university."

'Wow! -- that's the biggest speed bump I've ever seen!'

'When I grow up I want to be a rock star.'

'Doc, I just wanted to be a star.'

'There's no doubt about it -- you're a woman on her way up.'

"What do you want to be when you reenter the workforce?"

'I'm going to fire my life coach - he has a losing record.'