Defending A Dissertation Gifts

'I don't believe I've ever seen a scientific paper defended quite as vigorously as this one!'

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

"You're going to have to submit to peer review eventually, Bradshaw!"

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

Book publishing.

Verbal Orders

'Agreed. We fund only those proposals we can understand.'

'Is there a God? God knows...'

Outbox.

"Let's just drop it, Andrew, and leave it to future historians to decide which of us was right."

'Please help, ma'am. I need support to write my Ph.D. dissertation on 'Successful fund-raising techniques'.'

Man in office fencing with pieces of paper flying about

'Remember not to shirk the paperwork.'

I will not chew gum in class, even sugarless....

Man with Sword in Penholder

'Don't I even get to enter a plea?'

'That should be good for quite a few doctoral dissertations in the future.'

Night Owl

"Doctor, your speech was certainly unabridged."

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

Job Stress.

'I am an unhappy employee.'

'Herbert's security hookup lets him make sure no one took over his desk while he's on vacation.'

Useful Degrees:"Bachelor of Waitressing

A headmaster in the stocks covered in rotten eggs.

'No Billy! I am not ready to see you yet!'

'If kids have to be raised properly, does that hurt?'

"I buried my doctoral thesis in an unmarked grave. . . because, ultimately, you never know."

"Stupid bullies. I would try to defend myself – but what if I lose? Who would cover my legal expenses?"

"Your doctoral thesis so much reminds me of mine. No, wait a minute. I never had a doctoral thesis."

"They don't make superheroes like they used to!"

'Billy, I'm not going to argue the semantics of biting. Whether or not you penetrated skin, I'm calling your mother.'

'Yes, but the ideological notion that striking a child isn't justified under any circumstances contradicts thousands of years of parenting experience.'