Defending A Dissertation Gifts

'I don't believe I've ever seen a scientific paper defended quite as vigorously as this one!'

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

"You're going to have to submit to peer review eventually, Bradshaw!"

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

Book publishing.

Verbal Orders

'Agreed. We fund only those proposals we can understand.'

'Is there a God? God knows...'

"Let's just drop it, Andrew, and leave it to future historians to decide which of us was right."

Outbox.

'Please help, ma'am. I need support to write my Ph.D. dissertation on 'Successful fund-raising techniques'.'

Man in office fencing with pieces of paper flying about

'Remember not to shirk the paperwork.'

Man with Sword in Penholder

I will not chew gum in class, even sugarless....

'Don't I even get to enter a plea?'

'That should be good for quite a few doctoral dissertations in the future.'

Night Owl

Job Stress.

'Herbert's security hookup lets him make sure no one took over his desk while he's on vacation.'

'I am an unhappy employee.'

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

"Doctor, your speech was certainly unabridged."

Useful Degrees:"Bachelor of Waitressing

A headmaster in the stocks covered in rotten eggs.

"Your doctoral thesis so much reminds me of mine. No, wait a minute. I never had a doctoral thesis."

'No Billy! I am not ready to see you yet!'

'If kids have to be raised properly, does that hurt?'

"Stupid bullies. I would try to defend myself – but what if I lose? Who would cover my legal expenses?"

"They don't make superheroes like they used to!"

"I buried my doctoral thesis in an unmarked grave. . . because, ultimately, you never know."

'Billy, I'm not going to argue the semantics of biting. Whether or not you penetrated skin, I'm calling your mother.'

"In my day, if you colluded with anyone, Dad went for his belt."