Phd Defense Gifts

"You're going to have to submit to peer review eventually, Bradshaw!"

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

Eternal Student.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

Scientists are sexy

Thank you for not doing research that has already been done.

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

"Mr. McMurdo has been called 'guilty as the day is long.' And yet, do not biblical scholars tell us a day can mean many things?"

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

'I'm pretty sure I have a Ph.D. I think one came bundled with my new computer.'

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

US fears missile competition.

math faculty

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

Memo Mania

"You are hereby sentenced to one year of swimming with the people."

Washington Crossing the Delaware, Having Been Invited to Join the Faculty at Princeton

Closing arguments.

"And today if the prosecutor says 'Liar, liar, pants on fire,' do not turn around to check."

"I totally meant to do that."

'Have you found a precedent? Yes, you did the same crime in 1974.'

'You didn't 'win' anything, just declared not guilty.'

"Oh sure, some random monster runs amok through the village, and the first person you pull in for questioning is my client!"

What do overcrowded prisons say about defense lawyers?

"As his nanny she would have known about his diabetes and et she gave him spoonfuls, yes spoonfuls, of sugar."

'I accept that a dog can be a man's best friend but I'm afraid that doesn't qualify you to speak on the defendant's behalf...'

Macroscope

"Your research is impressive, but you have too many original ideas to be credible..."

'The good news is, I got you the best lawyer money can buy. The bad news is, I used up the loot to pay him.'

'Yes, I can defend you, but we may have a tough time selecting a jury of your peers.'

"Why do I always get stuck with being the guardian angel to someone who can't seem to finish his Ph.D.?"