Defendant Gifts

"At first I was the aggressor but as he got the upper hand it became clear I was the victim."

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

'OK, OK, you've made your point. I'll admit that sometimes when I feel threatened, I snap.'

Trial by Media

"No, I can't explain it – but I brought a prop that might help."

"Sorry we're late, Your Honor. My watch seems to be missing."

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

"… and when she spoke and you couldn't hear was it because you chose not to hear or because you had exhibit 'A' in your ear?"

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

"Surely not guilty. Next case."

"No questions, your honor. It's all in my client's new book. Every member of the jury will find a free copy under their seats!"

"Don't throw yourself at the mercy of the court. The judge doesn't have a heart."

"That all depends on what you mean by guilty."

"They exhumed your browsing history."

Nolan, caught tightly in the prosecutor's trap of logic, saw no escape other than to chew off his own leg."

''Guilty or not guilty'? - I didn't come here to be INSULTED!'

'Why can't you take responsibility for your own actions?', 'I blame my upbringing.'

"Before I pass judgement on you, I would like to see if butter really doesn't melt in your mouth."

"The truth, the whole truth and a touch of double entendre to keep everybody on their toes."

'Is the person you saw with the gun here in the courtroom today, and if so, would you point him out for the jury?'

'Your honor, before we get into the issue of black and white, I'd like permission to slip into my grey suit.'

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of a living constitution!'

"May we have a moment, your honor. My client hasn't quite memorized the script."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"In all good conscience I can't let him take the stand. He might implicate me!"

''Ten years at hard labor'? -- You're worse than my wife!'

"I really wanted to get you off but I didn't want to make a mockery of Justice."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

dog vs UFO...

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"Mr. McMurdo has been called 'guilty as the day is long.' And yet, do not biblical scholars tell us a day can mean many things?"

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"