Not-so-calm Defendant Gifts

'Your honor, for personal reasons, my client would prefer to wait in his car while the verdict is being read.'

Trial by Media

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Bailiff."

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

"I really wanted to get you off but I didn't want to make a mockery of Justice."

"At first I was the aggressor but as he got the upper hand it became clear I was the victim."

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'

'OK, OK, you've made your point. I'll admit that sometimes when I feel threatened, I snap.'

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

"Smile if you're guilty!"

'I'll show you my fine print, if you show me yours.'

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

"The truth, the whole truth and a touch of double entendre to keep everybody on their toes."

"Case dismissed."

'Your honor, before we get into the issue of black and white, I'd like permission to slip into my grey suit.'

"No questions, your honor. It's all in my client's new book. Every member of the jury will find a free copy under their seats!"

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

'No kidding? You don't wear anything underneath either?'

"May we have a moment, your honor. My client hasn't quite memorized the script."

"Sorry we're late, Your Honor. My watch seems to be missing."

"… and when she spoke and you couldn't hear was it because you chose not to hear or because you had exhibit 'A' in your ear?"

"Before I pass judgement on you, I would like to see if butter really doesn't melt in your mouth."

'Why can't you take responsibility for your own actions?', 'I blame my upbringing.'

'Is the person you saw with the gun here in the courtroom today, and if so, would you point him out for the jury?'

Shall I goeth to the Prom. Hey nonny nonny...'

"Henry is addicted to all of the Court programs."

"When I'm with you, Miss Lawson, the billable hours just fly by."

"They exhumed your browsing history."

"That all depends on what you mean by guilty."