Flirtatious Courtroom Warrior Gifts

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

"Bailiff."

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

Unfettered Corporate Campaigning.

Planet of the Lawyers

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

"At least he's honest about it..."

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"I'm pre-legal analysis."

"What makes me a great attorney, as opposed to an adequate one? - My brother, the judge."

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

"Game of checkers? Okay, but I'm watching every move you make."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

'Sir, we have a problem. The attorney section is totally overcrowded!' (demon to Satan)

'Tragically, Mr. Cornwell was unable to afford a personal ethicist.'

'You'll make lots of money and eat a little caca... that's what attorneys do.'

Time is running out for Julian Assange.

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'

Pay Cut for QCs: 'I put it to you that this strikes at the very foundations of justice!'

Law school: 'Repeat after me, class 'sue 'em first, or be sued!'

'Remember, there's nothing to fear, except fear itself and costly litigation.'

'First time I've seen a law degree with an expiration date.'

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

'Your fee is causing us more mental anguish than the accident.'

The Verdict Is Union Yes!

'I put it to you that this strikes at the very foundations of justice!'

'I'll show you my fine print, if you show me yours.'

"Well, we saved this attorney. Some poacher shot him and removed his highly-prized fin."

'I've done some of my best work pro bono ... darn it?'

"My client has been convicted by the media, but I am confident that his conviction will be overturned on appeal by the three major networks and the 'Times.'"

'I would advise against suing the devil, his lawyers are really good.'

'Have you not noticed that our legal department is crawling with lawyers!'