Defendant Prints

"At first I was the aggressor but as he got the upper hand it became clear I was the victim."

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

'OK, OK, you've made your point. I'll admit that sometimes when I feel threatened, I snap.'

Trial by Media

'Can my own tweets be used against me?'

"No, I can't explain it – but I brought a prop that might help."

"Sorry we're late, Your Honor. My watch seems to be missing."

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

"… and when she spoke and you couldn't hear was it because you chose not to hear or because you had exhibit 'A' in your ear?"

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

"Surely not guilty. Next case."

"No questions, your honor. It's all in my client's new book. Every member of the jury will find a free copy under their seats!"

"Don't throw yourself at the mercy of the court. The judge doesn't have a heart."

"That all depends on what you mean by guilty."

"They exhumed your browsing history."

Nolan, caught tightly in the prosecutor's trap of logic, saw no escape other than to chew off his own leg."

''Guilty or not guilty'? - I didn't come here to be INSULTED!'

'Why can't you take responsibility for your own actions?', 'I blame my upbringing.'

"Before I pass judgement on you, I would like to see if butter really doesn't melt in your mouth."

"The truth, the whole truth and a touch of double entendre to keep everybody on their toes."

'Is the person you saw with the gun here in the courtroom today, and if so, would you point him out for the jury?'

My client is a simple man with simple needs, your honor. He was driven to embezzlement by his avaricious wife's expensive lifestyle. By rights, she should be in jail, not him. I'd suggest this to the district attorney, except for the fact that she and I are currently dating. Speaking of which, could you lend me a hundred bucks?

'Your honor, before we get into the issue of black and white, I'd like permission to slip into my grey suit.'

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of a living constitution!'

"May we have a moment, your honor. My client hasn't quite memorized the script."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"In all good conscience I can't let him take the stand. He might implicate me!"

''Ten years at hard labor'? -- You're worse than my wife!'

"I really wanted to get you off but I didn't want to make a mockery of Justice."

No. I still don

The good news is, I'm granting your request for house arrest. The bad news is your wife's to-do list.

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"